Not Your Average Gal

Copywriter. Content Creator. Constant Sassypants.

Travel

Not Your Average Gal: Katie from Teranga Market

By

Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves from the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I’m excited to introduce you to some of them.

Meet Katie of Teranga Market. I know Katie because our husbands are breaking free from the perils of an Emergency Medicine residency in less than 3 weeks.

I mean, I know her because our husbands both chose Emergency Medicine as their speciality and we get to hear the gross stories when they come home.

I mean, I know her because our husbands are in the same residency class in their 4-year Emergency Medicine program.

There, fixed it.

Since doctors aren’t known for their social prowess, I didn’t get to hang out with Katie as much as I’d like in the couple years that I’ve been back in Michigan. But, that said, the times we have hung out, we’ve hit it off like two writers who are silently judging your poor communication skills.

She’s a world traveler that can effortlessly tell a captivating story that has you both laughing and questioning your own story telling abilities.

When I saw she owned Teranga Market, whose tagline is, “Ending the cycle of poverty one scrunchie at a time,” I knew I had to ask her more because she’s certainly Not Your Average Gal.

Katie in 2009 during her first study abroad experience in Tours, France.
Hiking, wine, and discovery galore.

Katie Colpaert Allen
TerangaMarket, Owner

What’s your passion–the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

I’m passionate about how travel and engaging meaningfully in “otherness” has the power to transform our minds, hearts, and lives. Since my very first international experience, I’ve been hooked to the growth, adventure, and powerful human connections that come from putting yourself in the way of difference and discomfort. The places I’ve chosen to plant myself (for up to a year at a time) are what make people categorize me as, to use their words, “weird,” “reckless,” “crazy,” or – if you’re a member of my very polite family – “different.” Some of those places include Saudi Arabia, Senegal (in West Africa), and a mostly-ignored small town in eastern France. I’ve traveled to over 30 countries total.

When did you start this passion?

There are several crystal clear moments I can remember that kindled my curiosity about the world outside of my small (and insular) hometown. Both occurred in middle school (when many of us begin our first round of existential crises, am I right?) The first moment was when I was sitting at my desk in class with a listless energy that only a pre-teen girl can exude, resting my head in my hands and vaguely eavesdropping on the girls sitting behind me. They were talking about an upcoming school dance, what they would wear, what boys they hoped would ask them out. I remember thinking, This again? Is this all there is? Why is everybody always talking about the same things? Why does everybody DO the same things? Do we all just go through life following some checklist where we go to school, get jobs, get married, have kids, and die, regretting the shade of pink we chose for our Snowcoming outfit in 7th grade? There has GOT to be more than this.

My world was really, really small at the time, and I was suffocating in it, but I didn’t know yet what else was out there.

Fast forward a few months. A handful of students were crowded around a classmate who had just returned from a summer trip to Kenya (which, I should point out, is when I learned “Africa” was not a country). They were looking at photos of exotic-looking trees, huge mountains, and people who looked different from anyone I’d ever seen. As she described the trip, something cracked wide-open in me. I suddenly realized that I was not bound to a life that others before me had deemed “normal,” that I could choose or create my own path in life. For a 12-year-old mind, ripe and ready for learning, this was monumentally life-changing. Isn’t it incredible with just an ounce of exposure to difference can do to someone?

Over the next decade, I dove into learning about other countries, languages, and cultures. I became obsessed with Senegal when it got all of a paragraph in my French textbook freshman year. I couldn’t believe that a country in Africa was French-speaking! What else was out there that I didn’t know about? I couldn’t wait to graduate high school and get out of Dodge to start seeing and experiencing things for myself.

Little did I know then that the foundation had been set down for all that was to come over the next 20 years, including what led me to starting Teranga Market.

In 2014, Katie spent a year in Saudi Arabia teaching at a university for Health Sciences in Riyadh.

What lead you to your current path? (What was your previous job or background or experience that got you to where you are today?) 

When I finally escaped – I mean graduated – from high school, I lived life at 100 miles per hour for the next seven years, trying to see and experience as much of life as I could. I thrived in college, away from home for the first time, where I absorbed new information and ideas like a sponge, where I met people from all over the world, and where I felt like I belonged in a way I never had up until that point in my life. I studied for a summer in France, a semester in Senegal, and I spent a year in France after graduating working as a language assistant. During that time, I traveled to every surrounding country that I could. With every experience, my mind stretched and grew and would never return to what it had been before. And I wanted more.

I knew that whatever I was going to do in the “real world” after this, I needed it to include these mind-stretching elements – travel, language, culture, diversity, growth. I was fortunate to have spent 18 months during undergrad volunteering at a local refugee development center, and it’s where I realized I could combine my interests and passions while doing something that served others, something that I knew I wanted in my work but didn’t know what that would look like until I got that hands-on experience.

In the end, I ended up getting my Master’s degree in Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) because it would allow me to combine my passions as well as work in a role that served others. I got my first job in Saudi Arabia after graduate school, and after that year, I came back to Michigan and have spent the last six years teaching various subjects at several universities. I even spent two years in a non-teaching role that had me traveling internationally for more than two months per year across 20 countries.

In 2012, on her second trip to Senegal to attend Anne-Marie’s wedding as her witness.

During those 10 years, I stayed in close touch with a woman I met in Senegal named Anne-Marie who had become my best friend. When I left at the end of my study abroad program, I promised her I’d come back to attend her wedding, which I ended up doing three years later. Despite being on the other side of the world, she was always there for me when I needed her over the years, even as my French began to deteriorate from disuse; she could always understand me no matter how much I mixed up my verb tenses.

So, when life handed her a rough hand in 2018, I racked my brain for ways I could help. Long story short, despite having zero “qualifications,” I proposed that we start a business together that would allow her to work from home so she could watch her children, earn more than her current job at $7 for a grueling ten-hour day, and have things like medical benefits, maternity leave, retirement savings, professional development, and education benefits for her kids.

She enthusiastically agreed.

Many years before, Anne-Marie had wanted to become a seamstress. So, we revived that dream, set her up with a professional-grade sewing machine, and she set to teaching herself how to make all sorts of things (headbands, purses, skirts – you name it, and she’ll figure out how to make it). While I was still working full-time, I’d spend what time I could discussing ideas with her, receiving small shipments and trying my hand at weekend craft shows or farmer’s markets to sell her items. There, I quickly learned that I might have a place in all of this that I hadn’t previously expected. I found that I not only loved being able to help my friend, but also teaching people about Senegal, sharing about the languages and culture there, and about the meaning of “Teranga,” which is Wolof for “hospitality,” something the Senegalese are famous for, and a word that also represents the human warmth they are equally known for.

In 2018, Katie’s work happily had her in Senegal for 48 hours, and it was the first time she got to see Anne-Marie in 5 years. They spent it catching up and having their first conversations about Teranga Market and picking out fabrics together at a local market.

I soon knew that I wanted to grow Teranga Market to not only include tangible goods that provided work and a better life for my friend, but I also wanted it to be a marketplace of ideas and cultural exchange. I realized that it had the potential to become a space where I could combine and explore all my passions through language lessons, educational programming, writing, photography, and – dream big – small group travel to Senegal one day, as people began asking me about that right from the beginning.

Two years have passed since then, and I am just wrapping up my first month of getting to work (almost) full-time on Teranga Market, having just finished my last semester of teaching, and it’s been a wild ride. Literally overnight, I went from being an expert in my field to an absolute novice the next day, figuring out how to create a website, ship items, engage people on social media, and learn business jargon in my second language.

It’s been humbling, it’s been scary, it’s been the adventure of a lifetime – and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Do you make any income with your business?

Right now, 100% of Teranga Market profits go back to Anne-Marie. Those earnings from her handmade items are life-changing for her and will always go to her. As for me and my place in all of this and potential for future earnings, my goal is to continue building our platform and audience and ultimately publish a memoir about my semester in Senegal within the next 6 months. I’m also working on a series of children’s books that I hope will help plant the seeds of curiosity and difference in young minds that I didn’t get until I was much older. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg!

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

I just finished my last semester teaching at the University of Michigan, which was about the best ending I could hope for to this past decade of teaching and working in higher education. I am still teaching some private classes online and might experiment with creating some content in the future (English for Comedy Purposes, anyone?), but for now, I want to give Teranga Market and writing my full attention since it’s the first opportunity I’ve had to do so, and I won’t be wasting it!

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

Yes. From the beginning, up until now, and all along the way. But here’s what I would say to the many people who called me “weird” for wanting to study in Senegal or “crazy” for wanting to live in Saudi Arabia or “reckless” for going on a self-created 8-city work tour in Nigeria:

Thank you. Thank you for doubting me and judging me because it only made me want to prove you wrong all the more. It only made me stronger and more determined, and it fueled my passion like wildfire over the years. Now, I’m better for it, and I’m in a position to support and cheer on those who want to have similar experiences but who might not react the same way to your doubts and judgement. Cheers!

March 2020: just before the pandemic, Katie and her husband spent a week in Senegal with Anne-Marie and her family. It was their second time to Senegal together and Katie’s 6th trip.

What are 3 things that you’ve gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

  1. I’ve learned that when people judge your decisions, it is a reflection of themselves, their fears, and their limitations – not yours.
  2. I’ve learned that it’s never too late to start something new, or to start over as a novice after a decade of doing something else. You’ll be surprised at how your previous experiences and skill sets will serve you in unexpected ways and allow you a unique perspective that others in the industry might not have and could set you apart.
  3. I’ve learned that authenticity requires vulnerability, which can suck. Yet at the same time, I’ve come to realize that I’m my own worst critic and many of the things I fear never come to fruition when I do end up putting myself out there. And perhaps most importantly, if my fear does come true – I’ve learned that I’m not only strong enough to handle it, but also to learn from it and be better because of it.

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

Let’s see… I’m a pretty decent rock climber! I’ve been climbing for over 10 years and once had a full-page photo feature in the UK magazine “Climber” that a friend took when we spent the weekend climbing in the Saudi desert.

I also love making bookmarks and writing letters by hand.

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

I would tell them not to wait for permission from anyone or anything to start doing what they want to do. In a world full of degrees and credentials and certificates, it can feel like we have to “earn” the right to do something. You being alive is all the permission you need. So start creating, follow your curiosity, and fail forward. Learn as you go, find your tribe, and let go of the perfect “arrival” moment for that book or business or side hustle because there isn’t one. The journey is the reward.

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by? (You can list several!)

I’ve had a notebook of inspirational quotes for years that I flip through when I find myself in a “stuck” moment. My most recent addition is:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do that. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.” -Howard Thurman

Finally, these two quotes remind me to lean into the discomfort when times get tough and remember that that’s where the good stuff happens (they’re from the documentary 180 Degrees South, which I highly recommend):

“A friend once told me, ‘the best journeys answer questions that, in the beginning, you didn’t even think to ask.’”

“…for me, adventure is when everything goes wrong. That’s when the adventure starts.”

Be sure to follow all of Katie’s adventures here:

Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.

Do you know a Not Your Average Gal or Guy?Give me the deets!

Not Your Average Gal: Hannah from Eat Sleep Breathe Travel

By

Not Your Average Gals are kickass, blazing-their-own-path, independent-minded, free-thinking, kind-hearted and all around wonderful humans beings. We learn a lot about ourselves and the people we choose to look to for inspiration or friendship. I’m excited to introduce you to some of them.

Ladies and gents, it is my distinct pleasure to introduce you to our first (!) Not Your Average Gal: Hannah Logan. I originally started following her on Instagram and then kept up with her blog on the regular because they are so incredibly helpful for travel. (Plus, you need to see her quarantine Tik Toks.)

As a woman who has been called nearly every name in the book because I am not stick thin, I admired how much she promoted just loving your own body, as you are. It gave me a lot of confidence to travel to SE Asia, where my boobs just laugh at the options for even t-shirts. Hannah is hands down one of my favorite writers and I’m so happy that you’ll get to meet her.

Hannah Logan
Freelance Travel Writer and Blogger
Eat Sleep Breathe Travel and Ireland Stole My Heart

What’s your passion–the thing that makes you a Not Your Average Gal?

My two biggest passions are travel and writing which I have managed to merge. But today, when more people are working online and blogging than ever before, I don’t think that really makes me stand out. I think what differentiates me from so many other young women in the blogging and travel industry is my appearance. Travel bloggers have become synonymous with white, slim, bikini wearing girls with perfect makeup and twirly dresses. Which is so not me.

I’m a plus size travel blogger which, in itself, goes against the norm. Plus, while I love pretty dresses, they don’t fit my travel style. I pride myself on showing and telling the honest reality of travel. For every Instagram photo I share of me in a dress, I have twenty more of me in leggings and a t-shirt with a ponytail or a messy bun. I’ll be the first to tell you about how gorgeous a destination is, but I won’t shy away from telling you if the food made me sick, or about that time I missed the train, or if I was sexually harassed. I’m all about empowering everyone, especially women, to travel but I pride myself on being honest and telling it straight. Travel is amazing, but it isn’t pretty or perfect.

When did you start this business?

I started blogging at Eat Sleep Breathe Travel in 2012; a year after living in Ireland, which was the first place I had ever travelled to. At first it was more of an online journal but somehow people managed to find me and follow along. Things just sort of grew from there. I started freelance writing in 2016; a couple of little things, nothing major. But it wasn’t until 2017 that I managed to turn both freelance writing and blogging into an actual business. In 2018, I’ve actually started a second Ireland-specific blog (Ireland Stole My Heart) as it’s my favourite country and the place I enjoy writing about the most. Two blogs on top of freelance work is quite a bit of a juggling act though!

Hannah’s favorite country, Ireland

Do you make any income with your business?

I do! Blogging and freelance writing is my full-time work as of January 2017, but it’s not always easy. It’s a lot of trying to find work and opportunities and then chasing down people to get paid. Sometimes I miss having a regular, dependable paycheck but then I remember that my wake up and go to work means sitting on the couch with my dog while wearing sweatpants and I can’t really complain. It’s not perfect, and it’s definitely not easy, but I do enjoy it.

Do you have a “day job” that is different from your passion or business?

Not anymore (thank god!) but I did for the first few years. When I first started travelling and writing I worked at a national victim organization here in Canada. That lasted about two years before I decided I needed to move onto something happier. That ‘happier’ job ended up being a professional cake decorator. It was fun for a bit, but I don’t miss the long hours and crappy pay! That being said, it was a very seasonal job and I was able to take extended 3-4 month trips while working there. So, crappy pay and hours aside, it wasn’t all bad.

What lead you to your current path?

I’ve always loved writing (I used to write stories as a little girl and read them to trees- not even kidding). I think once I fell in love with travel, writing about it just became natural. I enjoyed it so much as a hobby that it just made sense to try to turn it into my job.

In pursuing something less than conventional, did you face any pushback from family, friends or even strangers? If so, how did you deal?

In the beginning, absolutely. My mom has always been very supportive but I had a lot of friends who scoffed at the idea of me being able to ‘travel for a living’ and have the ability to be location independent. But here I am. Just a couple months ago I went back to Ireland, where it all started, and was laughing with my old roommates. They remembered when I told them I wanted to be a digital nomad years ago and thought I was crazy, yet there I was; able to visit them again because my work led me back to Ireland. It was kind of funny, but it felt really good.

Portugal

What are 3 things that you’ve gained from doing what you love and perhaps going against the norms?

I’ve learned a ton. Budgeting and patience are two big ones. Nothing like the stress of having to chase down paychecks to teach you to be more mindful of your money! But I know that I’m not the only one who suffers through that. It’s a bit of a sad reality for those of us who work online.

I’ve also learned to be more self-assured and confident in myself. It’s easy to hard on yourself in an industry where followers and likes are so important. I think as a plus-size blogger this can be even harder to deal with. It can be so easy to look at a photo I posted of me on social media and compare it to someone who looks more “Instagram perfect.” But then I’ll get messages from someone saying how nice it is to see someone who looks like them in the travel world and that makes it all go away. Yes, I do stand out in a world of female travel influencers, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Building on the above point, as a blogger and writer I’ve realized how important it is to stay true to myself. Again, it’s easy to compare blogs and writing to others who may be more successful in terms of getting traffic or going on press trips and building partnerships. But at the end of the day we need to remember that working with brands is only beneficial when it’s a good fit. I may not have worked with as many brands and companies as others, but those that I have worked with have been perfect for me. They see value in what I offer and love my story-telling approach and writing style. From working with Viking River Cruises and the Ireland tourism board to partnering with Canadian travel clothing brands and even being a keynote speaker at the 2018 Women in Travel Summit; I’ve had some pretty awesome opportunities.

Myanmar

Tell us something about yourself people would be surprised to hear!

Being a writer, most people expect me to have a background in journalism or travel, but I actually have a degree in criminology with a concentration in psychology. For a while I wanted to be a forensic psychologist. I blame it on too many years watching Criminal Minds and CSI.

Are there any words of advice you can offer readers who struggle creating their own path?

Stick to it. As mentioned above, I faced a lot of pushback but I persisted and it worked out in the end. One of the benefits of being stubborn! Also, don’t half-ass it. I spent years harboring the same goal but it wasn’t until I gave it my full attention that I actually started to really succeed.

Any favorite mottos or quotes that you live by? (You can list several!)

I’m a big believer of ‘You only live once’ and ‘You can’t take it with you.’ So travel often-and travel well!

Be sure to follow all of Hannah’s adventures here:

Bolding throughout article is my own emphasis.

Do you know a Not Your Average Gal or Guy?Give me the deets!

Aloha! We’re Moving to Hawaii.

By

Please note: This post was originally written at the end of February. About a week before our lives and the course of our future was forever changed due to COVID-19.

Months have been spent worrying about The Hubster’s life and those of his patients and my loved ones before considering anything else. The least of which would be posting about something exciting we’ve worked so hard for.

Truth be told, even with a contract signed, we didn’t know if we would ultimately get there. Unless you’re in the medical field, you may not know about it, but hospitals and organizations were canceling contracts for incoming doctors.

Not to mention, Hawaii is under a strict quarantine, it’s tough to find a place to live and maneuver the logistical nightmare of shipping our home across an ocean all during a pandemic–we just didn’t know if it would all happen anymore.

Much to the Hawaiian way, we’ve been assured for awhile now to move forward as much as we can as we’re still wanted and needed. We’re so grateful.

This week was the first time in nearly 2 months I smiled when discussing our future plans again; it doesn’t seem so bleak or farfetched anymore. I’ll allow myself the small pleasure of being excited a bit.

We may not know an exact date, but we’re still moving to Hawaii.

Check that off as words I never thought I’d say.

We’re moving to Hawaii.

Home of luaus, hula dancing, Mai-Tais, rainbows and enough mahalo-ing to make this Midwesterner’s heart happy.

And we’re moving there. We’re going to live there.

As I typed this I’m still shaking my head. I can’t believe it and it’s been months since we visited and the hubster got a job offer.

This starts the beginning of the end in a volcanic journey towards becoming a doctor. I couldn’t help it, guys. The Hawaii puns will be plentiful. You’re welcome to punch me.

So, let’s quickly recap for those new readers–HEY!

  • Hubster and I met.
  • Hubster went back to school, worked full-time and applied to medical schools for 3 years.
  • Hubster and I moved to Florida for medical school.
  • Hubster matched for an EM residency in Michigan.
  • We lived 1400 miles apart for 2 years.
  • I started my own copywriting business so I could have the job flexibility to move after residency.
  • I moved back to Michigan.
  • We went on many trips exploring areas we may want to live post-residency.

I just summed up 13+ years of busting our asses in 7 bullet points.

Suffice to say, there were a lot more sub bullet points below each. A lot of uncertainty. A lot of career shifting. A lot of tears. A lot of miles moved in-between. 3 homes. 2 surgeries. 2 therapists. 1 wedding overseas. And a partridge in a pear tree.

I’ll save you the details.

After exploring the west coast this past fall, from Oregon to California and then Nevada, we fell in love with Central Oregon. I’m telling you, I still dream about that area. I can see myself there, and more importantly, we can see ourselves there.

Cut to the reality that there were no open ER physician positions at that time and it left me and the hubster scrambling to define what’s next.

I’ve been pretty open–LOUD AND PROUD–that I’m done with the bitter cold and grey Midwest winters that last far longer than anyone wants to admit.

From the moment I started dating My Main Squeeze, to now-hubster, he always said he never saw himself staying in the Midwest long-term. We silently smirk at each other when he grovels how cold it is or how warm it is in our former Florida home.

But, there are creature comforts of “home.” There’s a pull to the certainty of it, especially if where you’d like to live doesn’t have job openings at that time. Especially if moving again and the fear of failure or not liking it lurks in your mind.

I get it. But, my close friends knew how frustrated I was at that point.

The Hubster slowly started applying elsewhere. Places we knew we may like based on previous travels: Arizona, Nevada, all the while keeping an eye on Central Oregon.

Believe it or not, we had Hawaii on our list from the get-go.


But, because we hadn’t visited there before, it seemed like a pipe-dream.

Cue serendipity.

Timing. No job openings where we wanted. A friend who recommended an ER group in Hawaii. An application sent. An interview scheduled.

Pack your bags, kids!

It happened in a matter of weeks, as most wonderful life adventures do.

We flew to Hawaii, then Arizona and finally Nevada for job interviews.

By mid-January he had a job offer. Several, eventually, in fact.

What has seemed like a lifetime of commitment to this medical journey, culminated with us blissfully smiling over cold Kona beers. Quietly taking it all in as the world around us became a murmur of submerged sound; ruminating and enjoying the moment while eagerly wondering what’s next.

THIS GUY just got a job offer.

It was magical.

The weeks that followed were full of financial benefits spreadsheets, entertaining discussions and a hankering that we both knew what the answer was regardless.

We have, quite literally, set up our careers, moves, life sacrifices and many margaritas for even the chance at an opportunity like this.


Him putting in endless hours studying, training, working and missing so many of the fun events all us non-medicine people look forward to, including sleep, and me leaving a cushy paycheck to start my own biz, which gives us the flexibility that medicine requires, among other things.

Which is why our decision to move 4,500 miles away truly boiled down to only living once. We knew we’d always wonder about an opportunity for adventures in Hawaii if we didn’t take it.

Some of the best decisions we’ve made have been full of both fear and faith that things would be okay…and this is certainly one of them.


Excitement and fear can coincide together, in fact, I think they always should.

As scary as it may be, as many logistics that need to be figured out, as much as we’re going to miss our crew, Hawaii was saying Aloha to our hearts.

So, this summer depending on when quarantines are lifted and essential logistics allow, we’ll be setting up shop in Hilo on the Big Island of Hawaii.

The group the hubster is working with values a work-life balance that other organizations may turn their nose up to in preference for the hustle culture. It was a welcome surprise. Something I think both of us could benefit from.

Not only that, Hawaii is full of some of the kindest, friendliest, most-mahalo-ing people around. We were enamored with the plentiful opportunities for adventures on the Big Island. Did you know it has 12 of the 13 world ecosystems?! We can drive up to snowy tops of mountains where telescopes are housed, and then back down through rainforests and across to the dry climate of the Kailua-Kona side. It was incredible. We can do anything from stand up paddle boarding to surfing to swimming to running (the Kona triathlon is run here for a reason) to zip lining to hiking to climbing volcanos to golfing to sitting on my lanai listening to the coqui frogs.

Soon enough, we’ll be packing up our home, preparing the ginger kitty for gecko hunting again and moving to an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

I simultaneously can’t wait and am scared shitless. As it should be.

You can fully expect I’ll be sharing lots of pictures of lush rainforests, lagoons, black sand beaches and Mai-Tais.

I will not be sharing pictures of me getting lei’d.

Oh man, these jokes are never gonna get old.

Mahalo, my friends!

Good for Her. Not for Me.

By

Scrolling through Facebook does it. Falling victim to the rabbit hole of Instagram does it too. Based on the highlight reel of life that is social media, you create a picture in your mind of exactly how someone else is living.

We know this picture isn’t accurate, right?

To solidify this fact, just know that I took 27 shots of me sipping on tea from our hotel room overlooking Yokohama Bay in Japan before I got one I thought I liked. Twenty-seven. Then I edited the one I chose! Of course, in typical Not Your Average Gal fashion, I mentioned these facts on the Instagram post to keep things real, you know, in case anyone was wondering how my life as a supermodel was going.

We see the seemingly picture-perfect life, pass judgement (or jealousy) and participate in talking about it, very often with other female friends.

“Did you see…so and so…?”

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I find myself around when these conversations are happening and they aren’t typically kind ones. (And dare I say, sometimes I catch myself participating.)

I’ve been a victim of those unkind conversations too. Full-on jealousy and eye rolling at what’s going on in this life I choose. This life I work damn hard for. This life of mine and mine alone.

It’s that toxic bullshit gossip that continues the negative undercurrent of nasty competition amongst our fellow lady gangs.

But, in an effort to combat it and rally support, I have something to fight it! Something that I’ve used many times and has stopped the gossip in its tracks.

Good for her. Not for me.

Now I’d like to give credit where credit is due and thank my therapist or some motivational book or Brené Brown or probably a saying I pinned on Pinterest in a fit of rage, but I honestly can’t remember where I heard it. So, let’s just consider this one a thought that everyone should know in the world.

That disgusting diatribe of nit-picking another woman down to her core based off of other perceptions, your perceptions, other opinions, other life experiences is so…basic. Truly.

It takes so much wasted time and energy to think about how someone else is living their life, in a way you may never ever do, and cut it down to some negative Nancy, sarcastic Sally, cryptic Cathy way. Anyone who has any sense of self at all, anyone who is self-aware, anyone who is kind, can see right through that nastiness for exactly what it is: low self esteem (or a miserable life…).

When you take the onus off the difference between your version of life and someone else’s, it’s simply comes down to a preference. A preference to take a different path or choose a different paint color or–GASP–not get stainless steel appliances.

Good for her. Not for me.

What if that difference came in the form of support, rather than disdain or judgement?

So often the way another person lives their life literally has zero effect on you. Zero. (Well, aside from my younger brother who legit has never visited me, which means I’m stuck carrying around a stupid street sign he stole as a kid that he still wants, packing it from house to house and move to move until he comes to visit or pays for shipping. THAT choice directly affects me. Butthole.)

So, if the choices another person makes does not directly affect you, it boils down to your frivolous scrutiny as to whether it fits your standards and accordingly, then your judgement. What a way to live!

We could try being cool on for size though with how another women lives. Let’s go!

She wore a bikini and isn’t thin.

Good for her. Not for me.

She posted another picture of her dog dressed up in a holiday sweater.

Good for her. Not for me.

Everyone in her family is wearing the same exact outfit for family portraits.

Good for her. Not for me.

She let her kid get the laser background in school pictures.

Good for her. Not for me. (Side note: I was SO JELLY TOAST of the kids that got the laser backgrounds in school pics.)

She doesn’t prioritize dating.

Good for her. Not for me.

She wore navy pants and a black sweater.

Good for her. Not for me.

She’s at another rally supporting a cause I don’t care about.

Good for her. Not for me.

She chose to freeze her eggs and focus on her career.

Good for her. Not for me.

She chose to delay having kids.

Good for her. Not for me.

She has an army of children.

Good for her. Not for me.

She loves Kate Spade handbags.

Good for her. Not for me.

Her house is cleaned by a cleaning company.

Good for her. Not for me.

Her husband travels for half of the month.

Good for her. Not for me.

She’s perfectly happy living in her hometown for the rest of her life.

Good for her. Not for me.

She didn’t register for her wedding.

Good for her. Not for me.

She didn’t want a bridal shower.

Good for her. Not for me.

Her kids are all named after produce.

Good for her. Not for me.

<breathe>

That was amazing! Can you imagine how liberating it will be to spend your time worrying about your (own damn) self?

I want this to be a rally-cry of sorts. One of undying support for women and the lives they live.

I want this to be so ingrained in our minds that it’s our first reaction when someone watches Hallmark Christmas movies pantsless, with a half-eaten bag of tortilla chips by her side, guacamole crusted to her lips and zit cream on her face. (Or so I hear…)

Good for her. Not for me.

It’s Okay to be Scared. A Look at 2020 and Beyond.

By

Have you seen it? The abundance of posts chanting: O-M-G It’s the Last Days of the Decade. The ones that humblebrag neatly discuss the intricacies of achievements over the course of the last decade.

This won’t be one of them.

Truth be told, I didn’t even put it together that 2019 was the last year of the decade. Mostly, because after the millennium, time ceased to exist or plunged into a twilight-zone-like vortex and basically, 30 years ago is still 1970, right?

I’ve done the yearly wrap-up posts that aren’t just the sugar-coated versions of life and ones that tip my hat at the things I’ve accomplished. Frankly, I’m quite proud of everything I’ve achieved in 2019. I got through one of the hardest years of the hubster’s ER residency (while still allowing each other to come to bed) and even with the ebbs and flows of a new copywriting business, still posted more sales at the end of the year than the year before. It would be worth a post to celebrate. 

But, with the dawn of a new decade upon us, it may be nice to gently nudge and dive into what many of us may be feeling:
Anxious. Apprehensive. Apathetic. 

A lot has changed in 10 years!

A Decade of Learning

Being scared doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.

A new decade brings on some excitement about the endless possibilities out there. But, with that, comes its unrelenting, ugly twin: fear. It starts with the seeds of self-doubt and “what ifs,” then morphs into, “I’ll do it someday,” and soon, and you find yourself in 2029, wondering where the decade went. Ack. We’ve all been there. Don’t let those fearless Instagrammers fool you. 

Some of the best decisions I’ve ever made started with a knot in my stomach. The kind that you get when you’re at the tip-top of a rollercoaster, just about to barrel down to earth in a rush to the senses. From hopping on a flight to Hong Kong alone, to leaving the comfy cushion of the corporate world, I’m so, so glad I felt the fear and did it anyway. Or at least I remind myself of this while burning the midnight oil, pantsless, figuring out my marketing strategy to get more clients in 2020.

Being scared is okay. It means you’re alive!  Feel it. Revel in it. Take it out for a dinner date. Just don’t let it make its way into your home, sleeping comfortably in the back of your mind. Let it remind you that some decisions, however small, can be scary because they’re uncertain. That doesn’t mean they’re unachievable.

It’s okay to be scared. But you have to show up, open up, love fully, fall down, make mistakes, learn, grow and do it all again.

Grow from experience, not bitterness.

One of the ugliest personality traits is cynicism. The kind that scoffs at any goodness in this world. The type that sneers when something goes astray that it was bound to anyway because, of course! Anyone been there? Certainly not me. <looks around to see if anyone believes her>

Growth occurs from planting your roots in the notion that you’ll be okay. It may not be what you envisioned. You may not be where you want to be in this current situation. But you’ll be okay. I had to trust that notion when I made the 1400-mile move back to Michigan. I would be okay. I am okay. You’ll adjust your sails and in doing so, you may find yourself right where you worked towards being someday. 

Growth isn’t bitterly blaming your ex for every wrong in your life, while simultaneously proclaiming you’ve learned so much from that jerk and are hashtag blessed. 

Boundaries are your new BFF.

One of the hardest decisions we can make is figuratively drawing a line in the sand that the way things have been going, can no longer happen on our watch anymore. Not if we want healthy, respectful, nurturing relationships in our lives. Often that looks a lot like setting boundaries with family and friends. 

It can feel so icky at first because we’re told otherwise. It’s a right of passage really, a family subtlety that seeps into our mindset shouting: no matter what I do, what I say or how I treat you, you have to put up with me because, family! (Many fun people with PhDs will call this abuse.)

The backlash can be big or passive aggressively comedic. I’ve personally experienced over-the-top, manipulative guilt trips that many Psychology 101 professors would enjoy–and are free to use! Hold true to who you are, what values you find important and know that the boundaries you’ve set will only be tough for the people who benefited from you not having some in the first place.

Kindness and patience…are qualities not to be trifled with.

Some of the kindest people in the universe are also badasses. Oprah. Ellen. The librarian who fixed my $.50 overdue fee by simply clicking a button. They are all kind souls, but ones I wouldn’t mess with when it comes to disrespectfully taking advantage of a situation.

Often when we think of a love that is patient and kind, we imagine a calm world filled with thoughtfulness and ease in decisions. What is hard to wrap our heads around is we can be both patient and kind, while also not allowing ourselves to be unseen or disrespected. 

I once told my sister, I now look for new friends based on how I think they’d react in a public situation where someone was being bullied or humiliated or disrespected. Would my friends stand up and take the person under her wing? Would she yell that you can’t speak to someone like that? Would she stand idly by too nervous to ruffle feathers? Which option would be the kindest to the person being attacked? 

I want to surround myself with kind, patient, feather-rufflers. 

Your voice matters. You matter. You are enough.

A shoutout to all the men and women who aren’t feeling okay, but still get up every day and refuse to quit. You are the real show stoppers. We all yearn for connection. We all want to know we belong and matter. That can be incredibly hard on the tough days or if you’re surrounded by a not-quite-right-for-you squad.

If there’s anything I’ve taken away from the last 10 years, it’s this: I am enough.

If I’m totally alone. I’m enough.

If I’m laughed at. I’m enough.

If I’m sporting my *NSYNC t-shirt, dancing in my underwear in the kitchen. I’m enough.

You matter. Your little beating heart provides something in this world that others can’t possibly master: you.

How awesome. You, that is. 

As this decade winds down and a new one begins and we starts to access what they heck just happened, take heed in knowing others feel the same way. Taking note of the things you would change isn’t about living with regret. It’s about being an accountable adult and knowing you want to do better, be better. How beautiful is that?! 

Side note: I despise when people say they live with no regrets. Frankly, it seems like quite a simplistic, caveman-eque way to live, never having the balls to look back and think, yeah, I could have done that more eloquently. That, that right there, takes some self-reflection. Acknowledging a regret and wanting better. The YOLO, no regerts, lifestyle is nice if you live in a vacuum.

Just think of how much you’ve experienced–for better or worse–and be proud of where you are, in this moment. <insert internet high-five here> You don’t need to measure your failures and successes by noting how far you’ve come; you’re HERE. Right now. 

That’s enough. 

You are enough.

Here’s to a scary and exhilarating 2020 and another decade of you. 

When I Grow Up

By

Manzanita, Oregon

It’s a phrase we most often associate with kindergarten projects or awkward conversations with our high school guidance counselors.

“When I grow up, I want to…”

Even a gal in her thirties finds that answer difficult. Much of my formative adult, career-driven goals have been a bit dictated by the overarching medicine journey of the hubster. That’s not meant to be expressed with remorse or disdain; it’s merely a fact of life when you fall in love with a fella that wants to help people. The medicine journey is long and it’s full of cruel formalities that leave little room for partner flexibility.

I hear from so many partners and spouses that their careers, dreams or education have been placed on hold while on the medicine journey with the doctor in their life. Stories that will tear your heart out. Stories that will make you realize setting up a career that is flexible and putting off the wants/needs in life, isn’t just a by-product of being married to a physician–it’s survival.

When I did put my copywriting career first, something we both agreed would be a good decision in the long-run for both of our goals, that looked a lot like living 1400 miles apart for 2 long years. It’s not for the faint of heart, kiddos!

But, now we find ourselves a little over 8 months away from the finish line. 8 months away from what the hubster has been working towards for over a decade.

For me, it’s exciting. For him, it’s a bit unnerving, I gather.

The, “Now what?” question is looming overhead; an overwhelming grey cloud of many paths, each with its own set of uncertain answers.

We’ve watched our friends and family hit substantial milestones over the past decade that we’ve essentially had on hold. Choosing a place or city to live. Choosing a house to pay off for 30 years. Choosing whether to have kids (or not). Choosing to continue to pay off my student loans while his loom in the background like another mortgage. Choosing an iced coffee or hot coffee once it turns fall. What? I really want to know. That one is a toughie.

Over the years, as we moved from different states for medical school, into residency and those milestones have been in a holding pattern, I found myself using that phrase a lot.

“When we grow up…”

“When I grow up…”

It’s a funny thing to say in your thirties and it’s typically in reference to materialistic things, like declaring for the umpteenth time that you love Japanese toilets and when you grow up that’s all you want in your house.

What? They’re glorious.

But there’s an iota of truth to it. The things we’ve only thought about–backyards, a dog, a car that doesn’t sound like an airplane taking off when you start it–are now getting closer to reality.

Holy exciting. Holy overwhelming, too.

That “someday” attitude is all we’ve ever known. Looking back, it may not have been such a great mentality, but for better or worse, it got us through.

We recently went on a nearly 3-week road trip out west to see if any cities from Oregon down to California tickled our fancy. While I could do without the winding roads that did lead to spectacular views, we found out a lot about what we did like and what we didn’t like. (Maybe also that the idea of living in California was a bit more romantic than actually living there.)

We talked a lot about what our preferences are as individuals and also, as a small family. In my opinion, we’re pretty darn lucky that we even have the opportunity to lay it all out and see what areas may meet that flexible criteria. How many people actually get to do that?

So many of us are bound by ties both with family and friends, as well as careers, that those often dictate the places we choose to live. If moving 1,400 miles to Florida 7 years ago (and then back to Michigan last year) taught me anything–and boy did it–it was those forever friendships, some who have known you since your pimply days wearing Spice Girls t-shirts, will bridge the distance. The distance may certainly change some dynamics, but it doesn’t change the heart that provides life to a friendship.

We found out some things about ourselves that may have changed over the years on this trip too. For instance, I never thought I’d need to live near a Costco, but well…here we are. Costco aside, being able to be outdoors for a majority of the year, is big for me. More than I ever thought, in fact. The hubster, who is an avid golfer and an amazing one at that might I add, needs to be able to golf more than he can now in Michigan’s temperamental winters. Our wants for a better commute, diversity, being near academia and an open-minded community moved their ways to the top. Plus, again, a Costco.

Now we get to choose that, if an ER job opening presents itself.

Holy exciting. Holy overwhelming, too.

While on this road trip, as we drove around neighborhoods, downtowns and parks, as we went on long walks and fun hikes, as we sat silently on hours-long car rides, as we golfed in picturesque settings, as we sat in restaurants pestering waiters with questions, as we bellied up to local dive bars and talked to bartenders, we slowly unraveled what we wanted when we grew up.

Something that seemed out of reach for so long.

Something that was placed on hold while we got our ducks in a row.

Something that took a backseat to traveling and career choices and moving.

Something that is here, at our doorstep, now.

Holy exciting. Holy overwhelming, too.

Buckle up! Grown ups need to wear seatbelts too, you know.